How Storytelling develops our Emotional Intelligence
Through my work as a storyteller and storytelling coach, I have witnessed how storytelling is a dynamic and unique tool that strengthens our emotional intelligence. The whole storytelling process- from preparing, rehearsing, to performing a story- becomes a rich area to develop emotional intelligence in both storytellers and story-listeners.
In recent years, the term emotional intelligence has become more commonplace in multiple fields and sectors- including education and business. Broadly defined, emotional intelligence is the awareness of one’s own emotions, as well as the ability to sense and respond to the emotions of those around you. The stronger our emotional intelligence, the more able we are to navigate challenging emotions, as well as deepen our understanding of ourselves and others. Our emotional intelligence grows the more aware and reflective we are about ourselves, our emotions, and our relationships.
How can we assess our emotional intelligence?
There are many different assessments and tools to measure emotional intelligence, though, there is no validated psychometric assessment (Psychology Today). Personally, as a mental health practitioner, I find myself questioning emotional intelligence assessments as they are mostly based on self-evaluation. As our emotions often arise in relation to other people, it is important to look at emotional intelligence through a reflexive lens, which allows us to gain insight on how we are seen and perceived by others. Additionally, how we respond to things in life is dependent on many contextual factors, which are impossible to capture in a multiple-choice assessment. Finally, our emotional life and intelligence is an integrated and dynamic part of our human experience and being, and it is not something that we can analyze as compartmentalized skills. I would propose that emotional intelligence is not something we can assess, but something that we perceive, sense, and feel, when we relate and with interact others.
As our emotions often arise in relation to other people, it is important to look at emotional intelligence through a reflexive lens, which allows us to gain insight on how we are seen and perceived by others.
To look at when we can sense and feel into emotional intelligence in ourselves and others, I would recommend reflecting on experiences and relationships in your life where you have felt…
Truly seen, understood, and responded to by another person
A genuine connection with another person
An awareness of a challenging emotion in yourself or others
Safe enough to share a challenging experience or emotion with someone else
That people are sharing something personal or vulnerable with us
You were really able hear and respond to another person on an emotional level
How do we do strengthen our emotional intelligence?
Ok, here’s the good part, and this is where storytelling comes in. While we can’t reliably assess emotional intelligence, we can strengthen it through intentional practices- like preparing, rehearsing, and performing a story!
As I said at the beginning, through my own work as a storyteller, I have noticed that the storytelling process continually engages us in strengthening and exploring our emotional intelligence. And why?
When we tell a story, we must relate to other people. Not only must we interact with others from a place of heightened awareness of both ourselves, but we also need to perceive our audience from a place of heightened awareness. The work of storytelling is inherently a reflexive, interactive process where we must reflect on how we are presenting ourselves, and on how we are being perceived by others. In looking at all of the processes that are part of preparing a story- preparing the story, rehearsing it in front of a test audience, and finally performing it to your listeners, there are many opportunities to develop and strengthen our emotional intelligence.
The work of storytelling is inherently a reflexive, interactive process where we must reflect on how we are presenting ourselves, and on how we are being perceived by others.
Storytelling is a live, social, and interpersonal art. The storyteller shares a story with listeners through words, tone, gesture, body language, and their imagination. Each telling of each story is a once-in-a-lifetime event. The storytelling listens and responds to the audience in the moment- which makes the story unique each time it is told.
Storytelling- either by being a storyteller or a story listener- provides rich opportunities for us to develop our emotional intelligence as it invites us to expand awareness of ourselves as a whole being. Storytelling also awakens our inner emotional life, and allows us to traverse through a variety of emotions- both positive and difficult emotions. This gives us the space to reflect on how we relate to our own emotions, as well as how we respond to others when they share their emotions. The process of practicing a story provides opportunities to receive direct feedback from others on how you are perceived. Finally, performing a story or listening to a story performance allows for people to connect and respond to each other as full human beings- physically, mentally, emotionally, and soulfully. After all, responding to oneself and other people in the moment as a full human being is arguably what emotional intelligence is all about.
Storytelling- either by being a storyteller or a story listener- provides rich opportunities for us to develop our emotional intelligence as it invites us to expand awareness of ourselves as a whole being.
The process of preparing a story is a rich opportunity to work on strengthening our emotional intelligence as it engages so many levels of self-reflection and awareness. Unlike the emotional intelligence assessments, I wrote about earlier, storytelling work engages our whole being. On a physical and sensory level, you need to think about how you sound and look to your potential listeners. Does your voice convey the emotional quality of the story? Does your body and movement communicate that, as well? On an imaginative and creative level, you need to clarify and establish what the story looks like in your mind. What does the setting of the story look like in your mind? How can you strengthen the images in your own mind? How can you describe and convey them to others? On a verbal and cognitive level, you need to think about the words you are choosing. Are they clear? Do they communicate the images that are in your mind? Will they make sense to your audience? On an emotional level, you need to pay attention to what emotions arise for you in the story. How do you respond to those emotions? What life experiences do they remind you of? Which emotions will you convey into your story? What do you want your audience to experience as you tell the story?
Another unique and vital opportunity that storytelling presents for developing our emotional intelligence is exploring and experiencing a wide variety of emotions- both positive and difficult emotions. Whether looking at traditional folktales and myths, or at personal narratives, stories provide an invitation to explore the depths and breadths of human emotional experience. It is important to find and tell stories that speak to our more challenging experiences as humans, because within those stories we also find wisdom on the resilience we need to move through challenging emotions, as well as solidarity that we are not alone in our challenging experiences.
“We must tell difficult stories to be truly human. To be truly human is to acknowledge within our experience and imagination both sides of our nature”- Loren Niemi and Elizabeth Ellis
As a storyteller, this gives you an opportunity to think about how you relate to a wide variety of emotions, as well as the responsibility to take your listeners on that journey. To prepare to tell the story, you have to think about how you are going to move through the emotions of the story and practice shifting from one emotional texture to another. This also provides an opportunity for you to look at how you can make the emotional journey authentic for your listeners. As a story-listener, taking time with a story allows you to explore a journey of emotions, and also experience how challenging emotions shift, change, and transform.
Another key part of preparing a story is practicing your telling to actual people. This becomes such a rich area to develop your own emotional intelligence, as well as that of your listener. Particularly if you ask the listener to give you feedback on what resonated with them, what was unclear to them, and what they had questions about, you are giving yourself the opportunity to really hear from someone else how they perceived you. You are also giving them the opportunity to express how the story impacted their inner emotional life.
Now, finally there is the performance. A storytelling performance- for both storyteller and listener- is another rich arena to develop and experience emotional intelligence. Storytelling is uniquely positioned to access our emotional intelligence as it is a holistic, live, dynamic art where the storyteller and listener respond to each other-physically, emotionally, mentally, and soulfully- in the moment. When telling a story, you listen into the audience, using that heightened sense of awareness to feel into themselves and their listeners, and craft, in the live moment, how the story is told. As an audience member, the telling is an opportunity for you to be seen and responded to in the here-and-now, which awakens and strengthens your connection to your emotional life.
After all, responding to yourself and other people in the moment as a full human being is what emotional intelligence is all about.
Storytelling strengthens your Emotional Intelligence
To review, the storytelling process helps strengthen emotional intelligence because…
o Storytelling is an interpersonal and social art; people must relate to each other to tell or listen to a story
o For both tellers and listeners, stories engage and evoke their inner emotional life
o A storyteller must step into a heightened sense of awareness of self and others
o Storytelling engages many different access points for self-reflection; including physical, sensory, verbal, cognitive, creative, imaginative, and emotional
o Engaging with stories provides an opportunity to engage with challenging emotions, as well as how to work with and move through challenging emotions
o Telling the story to listeners allows for an active process of feedback and reflection
o Giving feedback on a story as a listener provides an opportunity to express oneself and one’s emotional experiences
o In a storytelling performance, storytellers must listen to their audience as a full human being- physically, emotionally, mentally, and soulfully
o In a storytelling performance, listeners get to experience being fully seen as a full human being- physically, emotionally, mentally, and soulfully
If you are looking to strengthen emotional intelligence, I can’t recommend using storytelling enough- from beginning to end, storytelling completely engages and strengthens your emotional intelligence.
References
Neimi, L. & Ellis, E. (2001). Inviting the wolf in: Thinking about difficult stories. August House.
Psychology Today Staff. Emotional intelligence. From Psychology Today. <https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/emotional-intelligence#how-to-cultivate-emotional-intelligence>